Seeking Asylum

Far Away - Sidi Haroon Sellars

2009-05-03T22:29:00.004+08:00

Excuse me sister
Can I whisper
A little truth in your ear?

It’s no mystery
Through history
All the signs are clear

Times are so whack
Dogs on Prozac
Everyone feels under

False depression
Learn a lesson
The devil’s got your number

The war’s adjacent
But you’re complacent
It’s just another channel

So just turn the station
And keep erasin’
Pain you can’t dismantle

Sometimes I wanna fly,
Far away!
And then I pray
Oh let me stay!
Another day (2x)

Excuse me Mister
Can I whisper
A little truth in your ear?

It’s no mystery
Through history
All the signs are clear

More energy drinks
To speed the jinx
Of a life you can’t control

Going to and from
While you feel so numb
But you think you’re on a roll

A brand new diet
You got to try it
Cuz everyone’s so thin

Put down that mag
And grab a rag
And wipe this mess you’re in!

Sometimes I wanna fly,
Far away!
And then I pray
Oh let me stay!
Another day (2x)

Excuse me people
There’s no sequel
We’ve only got one chance

To get it right
And win this fight
So check your circumstance!

You got internet
And a cell phone pet
But we’re all disconnected

You hear the preachers
And sacred teachers
But no one gets affected

Don’t let terrorism
Be the schism
For all humanity

Bring the proofs
When you report the “truth”
And restore the sanity

Sometimes I wanna fly,
Far away!
And then I pray
Oh let me stay!
Another day (2x)

There are many excellent reminders contained within this beautiful prose, describing the challenges and distractions of our current time - the primary cause of which is heedlessness and inactivity of our God-given intellect to ponder upon the Truth.

May we always be guided to be among those who reflect upon their lives, and those who strive to better their states.

month of maulid

2009-03-22T00:26:00.003+08:00

it is of course the month of the birth of the our Master and Prophet, Muhammad ibn Abdullah, peace and blessings be upon him, and upon his family. many places in Singapore are commemorating this joyous event by having maulid celebrations. Alhamdulillah, by Allah's Grace, the tasawwuf class that I attend on Saturday evenings are also having celebrations. The commemorations are of course a means for us to remember the blessed life and teachings of the Prophet Muhammad s.a.w., and to appreciate and emulate his character as a blessing to the worlds. May Allah grant us closeness to Him through His Beloved Muhammad s.a.w.

It was my greatest honour to be able to visit the Johor Baru zawiyah, where Shaykh Adnan Kabbani was due to visit, as part of his tour in Malaysia for the maulid celebrations. I was of course deeply anticipating meeting Shaykh Adnan for the first time, and it was nothing short of a burst of emotions when he stepped into the hall. He led us for Isya' prayers and then gave a suhbah which I am sure touched everyone as greatly as it did me. After the suhbah the Singapore delegation had the opportunity to partake from a short maulid before we had to leave. But the meeting was more than sufficient for me. May Allah keep me in the company of those whom He Loves and Blesses, and may this weak servant be blessed for striving to be in the company of these individuals.

Shaykh Adnan listening to the recitation of the Holy Quran.

Shaykh Adnan delivering his suhbah.
He was an enigmatic speaker, with loads of energy in him to inspire the audience.

I wish for many more opportunities like this.

movie updates

2009-03-22T00:04:00.004+08:00

at least a movie a week since the last update. and i must say that some of these are really worth watching.

first up was watchmen, the highly acclaimed comic cult film. this was a surprising film, in the depth and intricacy of the story. of course those who have read the comic would have said that it was nothing out of the ordinary, but for me who saw this the first time round, with no prior knowledge, it was surprisingly enlightening. many concepts of what defined society and personality, and humanity in its many intricate forms were raised in this film. the concept of necessary evil was of course the key driving motivation, and the final twist at the end was like... wow.

i loved this film.

next up is a lesser hyped film, though with a cast like dakota fanning and djimon hounsou, you wonder why it is not quite as hyped. well, the story, for one, may not appeal to everyone. it is almost x-men like, and the science fiction aspect of it may immediately set it aside as a movie to watch. but in any case, if you had some powers, what would you do? i think the conspiracies in the story may call for a sequel, but i enjoyed it for the cool effects, and if nothing more, a movie that i could watch without having to think too much. :P

now this last one is a keeper. departures is led by the gatsby man (remember him?), who lost his job and had to take on a taboo profession in the japanese society. shan't reveal too much here, but it has something to do with the title of the movie. now this is an exploration of the idea of passion in one's vocation, and understanding the meaning of true service and dedication to the calling of the profession. there were many tender moments in the movie that made me cry, especially moments when the power of the human emotion and relationships were depicted. those emotions resonated deep in me, especially since i had experienced similar feelings not too long ago. i think this is something that everyone should watch, and anyone who does not feel anything, should question how hard their hearts have become. haha.

movie critic out.

nani's one year anniversary

2009-02-23T16:17:00.003+08:00

Hajjah Rapiar Binte Rahim Khan Surattee
30.10.1930 - 23.02.2008

for all the love you showered upon your 14 children and their spouses,
and your more than 40 grandchildren,
you will always be fondly remembered.

i miss you so much, Nani.

Al-Fatihah.

slumdog millionaire

2009-02-23T16:04:00.002+08:00

"maybe it is written"

saw this (now-critically acclaimed) film last sunday morning, the reason i could not get out of bed to go for classes later. ahah.

but as the Oscars have shown, this is indeed a contemporary masterpiece. one needs to see it to fully comprehend the message contained within. there was a whole lot of controversy surrounding the film, that it was a misrepresentation of the lesser-seen people of India. but from gut feel, i believe that the reason for all the protesting was not because it was a misrepresentation, but rather because it was such a stark and accurate representation, that people refuse to accept it. but that is of course my own opinion.

i loved the cinematography, arrangement and music. and i loved the fact that the film attempts to show that money is not everything, and yet is the cause of everything. and how despite even that, there are somethings that are just far greater than that - knowledge, love and truth.

i end with the list of awards the film garnered at the Oscars this morning:

Best Motion Picture of the Year
Best Achievement in Directing
Best Writing, Screenplay Based on Material Previously Produced or Published
Best Achievement in Cinematography
Best Achievement in Editing
Best Achievement in Music Written for Motion Pictures, Original Score
Best Achievement in Music Written for Motion Pictures, Original Song
Best Achievement in Sound Mixing

go watch people.

there is always a first

2009-02-15T00:47:00.003+08:00

it has been a while since i attended a circle of remembrance.
alhamdulillah.
there is much peace to be found.

broken strings

2009-02-14T01:28:00.001+08:00

Let me hold you for the last time

It's the last chance to feel again

i don't know how to let you go...

2009-02-14T01:21:00.002+08:00

A glowing ember, burning hot, burning slow,

And deep within I'm shaken by the violence of existing for only you...

I know I can't be with you,

I do what I have to do...

I know I can't be with you,

I do what I have to do...

But I have the sense to recognise

That I don't know how to let you go...

perhaps my only lament for the matrimony to come,
is that things will change,
and we will not be anymore.

Halo - Beyonce

2009-02-09T17:58:00.002+08:00

Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace
You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away

the curious case of benjamin button

2009-02-09T17:38:00.005+08:00

"Life isn't measured in minutes, but in moments."

there are sometimes movies that people just cannot seem to grasp, because of their own ineptitude. i guess this will be one of them, where those who see its value see it, and those who don't, well, are just heartless creeps.

one of the most moving lines in the movie to me was this.

"Benjamin, we're meant to lose the people we love.
How else would we know how important they are to us?"

*sigh*

baby/ toddler fetish

2009-02-02T23:05:00.002+08:00

natasha

isaac

aleesya

azfar

adam, nadrah, nasuhah

inara (well almost a niece)

no i am not a paedophile.
i just love my little nieces and nephews...

God save the babies around the world!

on love

2009-02-02T22:28:00.003+08:00

Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.

But if you love, and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;

And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstacy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;

And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

-The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran

new year congrats

2009-01-19T10:59:00.002+08:00

first up to my dear cousin ira, and her husband, faris, who tied the knot on 9 january 2009. may Allah bless them with long life and a happy family!

second, to dear friend taufiq, who finally got his wheels. and a set of beautiful wheels it is! may Allah keep you safe, even as you speed!

thirdly, to dear razak and desi, who got engaged on 17th january (hope i got that right). may the journey towards wedded life be smooth sailing, and without major obstacles!

aidil and suhara also made a commitment to their life ahead, and have gotten engaged! marriage is in the cards quite soon towards the end of the year - may it pass quickly, so that we can celebrate you!!

quite a flurry of events to start the new year... hehehe... but i'm loving it!

run by leona lewis

2009-01-19T02:19:00.001+08:00

this is undoubtedly one of the best covers i have ever ever ever ever ever heard.

who knew?

2009-01-18T15:25:00.002+08:00

That last kiss
I'll cherish
Until we meet again
And time makes
It harder
I wish I could remember
But I keep
Your memory
You visit me in my sleep
My darling
Who knew

ode to a dearly missed friend.

2009-01-18T15:15:00.001+08:00

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

sorry i been missing.

the treachery of israel

2009-01-05T22:41:00.002+08:00

here are 2 videos that depict the treachery of the Israeli-Zionists who will stop at nothing to deceive the world and blindside truth for their own selfish reasons. it is indeed unfortunate that the majority of people still remain clouded and confused about the true state of affairs, and even when stark facts are thrown in their faces, they refuse to budge.

Oh Allah, defend Islam, and the Muslims of Palestine!

Oh Allah, show kindness and mercy upon the children of Palestine!

happy new year!

2008-12-31T11:38:00.001+08:00

happy new year to everyone!
may the new year bring new hopes and aspirations, and new successes to life.

to all my friends, it has been a heck of a year... thank you for the memories.

nizar sayang semua.

the year past

2008-12-28T21:16:00.002+08:00

an early post by gregorian standards, but a timely one for the muslim calendar. to all muslim friends, have a happy Muharram, and may this year be one of felicity and blessings by His Grace, amin.

many people spend this time in retrospection of the year that has gone past. and correctly so, for we are encouraged to also reflect back on ourselves for the things we have done, or may not have done, so that we can become better people.

this year has been a year of many sadnesses for me. the passing of my beloved grandparents are at the top of my list. Nani passed away in February, and Atok left us just recently in October. i miss them both very terribly, and i know that the rest of my family feel this sense of profound loss, that can never ever be filled. all i can do is to pray for them and hope that they are in a better place now.

this year has also been a year when i realised how differently i have come to value friendship. if you ask me now, i can somewhat say that i feel that i have lost quite a number of them, either physically or emotionally. distances and time apart has worn out relationships, which only seem to speak of how very tenuous they were in the first place. and perhaps, recent debacles have also affected me quite deeply, to the point that i may have become cynical again to the notion of what makes a true friend. accordingly, my social circles have also shrunk, and i am lesser of the extrovert that i used to be, and things have become somewhat mundane when it comes to people.

i made promises to people, i made myself out to be solid and reliable, but increasingly i am finding myself unable to fulfill these promises, and finding myself being the one needing support. i have lost something somewhere, and i am not sure what it is, which will make finding it again all the more harder.

looking inside, i am spiritually undernourished, yearning for a spring from which i can drink from to refresh myself. i feel that i have made so many aims for myself, but unfortunately, never quite reaching the destination i set out to arrive at. yes, it's not the destination but the journey that counts, but pit stops which never seem to avail themselves for you to rest your weary soul, or the lack thereof can really drain you. i want to ask for permission to go, but i don't know whether if i go i will be able to drink directly from the fount.

have i been a good employee to my organisation?
have i been a good son to my father and mother?
have i been a good brother to my siblings?
have i been a good friend to my companions?
have i been a good Muslim?

have i become a better person in the last year?

i cannot say for certain that i have. and i fear to say that i may have regressed.
the only one who remains when everyone has moved on.
the one that will not flourish.

Allah, forgive me.

tribute

2008-12-13T00:22:00.005+08:00

if there were a vampire series that i would forever love, it would be anne rice's the vampire chronicles. it is one of the most extensive stories of vampires that i have ever read, and it is truly one of the most engaging series. it helps too that some of the books have been made into movies. come to think of it, i think i will rebuy all the books and keep for myself a nice library. hehe.

interview with the vampire . the vampire lestat . the queen of the damned
the tale of the body thief . memnoch the devil . the vampire armand . merrick . blood and gold
blackwood farm . blood canticle

in tribute, here are some of the key vampires in the series.

the first lestat de lioncourt, louis de point du lac, claudia

akasha, mother of the vampires, and lestat, her consort and betrayer

some of the children of the millenia and younger ones - armand, pandora, maharet the red, marius de romanus, khayman the elder

more!! haha!!

*scurries off to facebook to satisfy bloodlust*

twilight

2008-12-13T00:07:00.002+08:00

here are the vampires. haha. a whole family of them ok?

and they played baseball, which they only can do during a thunderstorm, because of the racket they make when they PLAY baseball. which was one of the coolest scenes.

that being said, being the vampire aficionado that i am - this was a fair enough movie, with a nice twist on what being a vampire is like, versus stereotypes in my head. of course the dialogue was cliched and expected (even without reading the book) - i mean it is an against-all-odds-beat-the-fates-love-you-even-if-i-die (literally) story - but it still made for an engaging watch.

there were the sweet scenes, moments which you wish you could have and words you wish you could say to that special one - but they came a bit too frequently, so some of the impact was lost.

but who cares - you get the idea. and the vampire powers are super cool.

so, its a mixed review. don't count on my words, though. i liked it despite.

a final note...

2008-12-09T19:46:00.004+08:00

to every society, there is an order. this is the functionalist perspective proposed by Durkheim. if the order were to be usurped, and everyone became leaders at the top, the pyramid of power would collapse due to the inbalance.

hence the natural order exists, that there are different levels of leadership and followers. perhaps that is why not everyone becomes the leader they want to be, or as "successful" as they want to be. not everyone can be the brick at the top, or the star shining above the zenith. but without the bricks below, there can be no top. and without the eyes to perceive, no one can appreciate the beauty of the star.

everyone fulfills a Divine purpose in their being.

un-RI-alised potentials?

2008-12-09T18:31:00.004+08:00

it was an interesting conversation that azfar recounted to me. apparently it has not just been a niggling thought it my head, but also among some of my cohort mates... what has happened to the call for "auspicium melioris aevi"? has this call been answered, now that it's, let's see, about 10 years down the road?

my secondary school batchmates have been sounding off for a reunion to celebrate our tenth year from graduation... but when i saw the posting on facebook, it got me thinking about where i am now in my life... is it something that i am proud of? after all, it was a proud moment for our families (and ourselves) that we got accepted into that prestigious institution. but after all that hoohaa... what have we got to show for it? we were supposed to be the creme de la creme... but have we lived up to the name or the expectations that society (including ourselves, personally) had for us?

i remembered a composition which i wrote, and got 49/50 for it. that was in secondary 4. it was one of my proudest pieces of work, and it was apparently so good, that my English teacher said that i had the makings of an MP. i was actually entertaining those thoughts for a while, for the institution was a birthing place of ministers and bigwigs for the longest time. perhaps having been "raised" and "nurtured" under the same auspices as those elites, i believed that i too could make a change. i too could become one of the leaders of the community. i too could make a name for myself.

and maybe, that was the start of the problem.

being labelled an "elite" (i use this word with sarcasm aimed at myself) came with a bunch of pressures and responsibilities. you could hear it in people's words and tones that they expected the world of you. and being young and naive, what was i to do but bask in all the "glory" and "pride" that was accorded by virtue of being accepted in the institution? that is not to say that i was not proud and did not feel glorious - i felt every inch of it, because i knew i was deserving of the place. and in fact, i did quite well while in the institution. but once you let that go to your head, as how i told azfar, you become complacent, as i admitted felt i did. the whole idea that you are among the best of the best could have generated a false sense of security, perpetuating a vicious cycle that would come and bite me in my bum.

and perhaps some of the others in the batch as well.

i had wanted so much to live the life as one of the best, but i did not quite work as hard for it. i had perhaps thought that simply being there would have availed opportunities. education became somewhat sidelined, and school was a playground, entertaining fanciful fantasies of famous and fecund futures, without the labours.

but what is elitism all about? and how does elitism and education come together in a coherent match? i don't think they do at all, now. when one considers oneself an elite, one becomes obsessed with maintaining that status, which may come and go anytime. but when one gets an education, that education stays for life. one cannot consider oneself an elite, but it is a status that is accorded to one by others, by virtue of one's virtues.

i guess i learnt that the hard way. moving on to the affiliated college, i became disengaged with my own learning. the challenge sometimes became too much to bear. i was unable to adapt and cope quite as well as i though i could. among the "elite" i began to falter. and among the "elite", i began to realise my own shortcomings and limitations as a normal person. and the fallacious facade began to crack. i began to understand that perhaps my place was not to be among the "elite". and there was of course the flip-side - the lifestyle of the rich and famous, but not so-smart. that was a side that i never wanted to be a part of.

and that was my education.

it is only recently that the true lesson became clear - that you do not need to be among the "elite" - smart people, successful in life, making big bucks, etc. - to be able to help others. and sometimes, it is better for you to be out of the "elite" to be able to see and understand life - sometimes up there, all you can see are clouds and fluff, that blinds you to the grime and dirt at your feet.

back to the point i was trying to make. my batch.

when azfar and i discussed the younger batches, we came to the conclusion that they were faring much better than us, in terms of "living up" to the expectations of how graduates of the institution were to progress on in life. there are quite a number on various scholarships in prestigious universities abroad, and some are already back and in various executive positions in government stat boards. there are also a few who are slated for ministerial positions.

looking back at my batch, well, firstly, not everyone made it to university (myself included). not everyone is holding important positions, or high-paying or ranking jobs. most of us are just "normal" professionals, doing our jobs, like everyone else. but is that necessarily a negative thing? "hope for a better age" did not specify how we should live our lives, or how better "better" is. semantics i know, but the degree with which you perceive your success should be based on your own person and circumstances, and not based on others. and at the end, happiness is truly an individual experience. we are all holding jobs which we are happy and satisfied with, we are safe and stable, and we are each successful in our own little ways. yes, being a teacher, or being an occupational therapist may not be as wow as being a doctor or being a PhD student (no offence dear), but does it really matter at the end of it? it is just so subjective, that i even wonder if it is worth my ranting about here.

maybe not.

we are each our own persons, results of the circumstances that shaped our choices and values. and who or what we are today is undeniably more important than what we were in the past. if only we all realise this and act upon it, then we would have already become better people. however we serve our community, that is our way of making a better age and creating hope for a future.

thence we fulfill the motto, no?

dwelling in a past that is long gone is not for us...

peace my brothers.

the feast of the sacrifice

2008-12-09T17:55:00.005+08:00

the day of the feast of the sacrifice is one to commemorate a few important things in the Islamic chronology.

firstly, it is a day to celebrate the completance of the most important event of the Muslim pilgrimage to Mecca, that is the wuquf of Arafah, of which picture is shown above. Wuquf means to stop and wait, and it symbolises the gathering of the masses, awaiting for Judgment on the Last Day. Here, all the pilgrims are clad in white, representing the equality of all before God, and each person supplicates with deepest sincerity for forgiveness and for His vast Mercy. It is truly the peak of the most difficult of the acts of worships. may Allah grant the pilgrims with a life-changing experience.

secondly, it is a day to honour the Prophets Abraham and Ismail (peace be upon them), and the deed of sacrifice that both unwavering undertook at the command of God. Ismail was the son of Abraham, and a beloved one. Yet when it was revealed unto Abraham to sacrifice his son in order to prove his obedience to God, Abraham without qualms, albeit tied with fatherly love, prepared to sacrifice Ismail, who in full knowledge, committed himself entirely to God's will. The fortitude of both these noble prophets were recognised and acknowledged, and at the last instance, God replaced the sacrifice that was Ismail, with a ram. Muslims nowadays sacrifice sheep, goats, cows, buffaloes and even camels in remembrance of the act, and to cleanse themselves of any form of egoistic self-worth which blinds and turns them away from God. it is a day to give thanks for all the blessings that God has given, and to understand the need for constant striving and sacrifice in order to achieve God's pleasure.

the sermon reminded Muslims to not rest on their laurels, and to be prepared to make their own little sacrifices in order to be able to overcome challenges in this life - be it economic, social or spiritual aspects.

indeed, the objective of life, one can say, is about reaping the fruits of the sacrifices that one makes throughout its course. may Allah forgive us all, and accept our little sacrifices, so that we may all receive His Pleasure.

OST Twilight - Paramore's Decode

2008-12-04T23:25:00.003+08:00

am waiting for the movie to be released.
haha... i have a fetish for vampires... so guess this won't be ignored...
it's a beautiful song to me... love the tone...

"The truth is hiding in your eyes,
And it's hanging on your tongue,
Just boiling in my blood,
But you think that i cant see.
What kind of man that you are?
If you're man at all,
I will figure this one out.
On my own... "

on anxiety

2008-11-30T21:40:00.003+08:00

i have been having a heavy heart these past few days, and its really almost a physical sensation... i do not know if its anything to do with my health - i think it is more a state of mind, than anything else...

but anxiety is a condition that can lead to many other things... so i better be careful.

in any case, sought some advice and found the following - which gave me some measure of peace.

Abridged from Dealing with Worries and Stress, by Sheikh Muhammed Salih al-Munajjid

Remembering patience

When faced with distress, harm, worries and anxieties, Muslims react with befitting patience to the things in which they have no choice. They gain a lot of benefits as a result - resilience, useful experience, strong willpower, patience, the hope of reward, and many other benefits which reduce the distress felt. Their anxiety is replaced with joy and the hope of blessings and reward from Allah, as the Prophet (pbuh) stated in the sahih hadith: “How marvellous is the affair of the believer! Everything that happens to him is good, and this does not apply to anyone except the believer. If something good befalls him, he gives thanks for it, and that is good for him. If something bad befalls him, he bears it with patience, and that is good for him.”

According to a report narrated by Muslim: The Messenger of Allah (pbuh) said: “No illness, fatigue, sickness or grief befalls the Muslim, not even worries, but it will be an expiation for some of his sins.” The one who is distressed or worried should know that whatever psychological pain afflicts him is not wasted, but serves a purpose in increasing his hasanaat (good deeds) and expiating for his sayi’aat (bad deeds). The Muslim should realize that if it were not for disasters and afflictions, we would come empty-handed on the Day of Resurrection, as some of the salaf (early generations of Islam) pointed out, which is why they would rejoice when misfortune struck just as we rejoice at times of ease. The Prophet (pbuh) said: “When Allah wishes good for His slave, He hastens the punishment for his sin; when He does not wish good for His slave, he withholds the punishment until the matter is settled on the Day of Resurrection, when all of his sins will be brought forth together.”

Knowing the reality of life

The believer knows that this world is only temporary, that its luxuries are few, and that whatever pleasures exist here are always imperfect. If it causes a little laughter, it gives many reasons to weep; if it gives a little, it withholds far more.

Reflecting upon the righteous forbearers

The Prophets and the righteous suffered more distress in this world than other people. Each person is tested according to the strength of his faith. If Allah loves a person, He tests him. Sa’d r.a. asked the Prophet (pbuh): “O Messenger of Allah, which of the people suffers the most distress?” He said: “The Prophets, then those who come after them (in terms of status), then those who come after them. A man will be tested according to the strength of his faith. If his faith is strong, then the distress with which he is tried will be greater; if his faith is weak, he will be tested in accordance with the level of his faith. Distress will keep on befalling the slave until he walks on the face of the earth free from sin.”

Remembering the Hereafter

The concerns of this world overwhelm and confuse people, but if the slave makes the Hereafter his main concern, Allah will help him to focus and be determined, as was narrated by Anas r.a.: “The Messenger of Allah (pbuh) said: ‘Whoever has the Hereafter as his main concern, Allah will fill his heart with a feeling of richness and independence; he will be focused and feel content, and this world will come to him in spite of it. Whoever has this world as his main concern, Allah will cause him to feel constant fear of poverty; he will be distracted and unfocused, and he will have nothing of this world except what was already predestined for him.’”

Supplications

"O Allah, I seek refuge with You from distress, grief, incapacity, laziness, miserliness, cowardice, the burden of debt and from being overpowered by men."

"O Allah, I am Your slave, son of Your slave, son of Your maidservant; my forelock is in Your hand, Your command over me is forever executed and Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every name belonging to You which You have named Yourself with, or revealed in Your Book, or You taught to any of Your creation, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the Unseen with You, that You make the Qur’aan the life of my heart and the light of my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety."

Invoking peace and blessings upon the Prophet (pbuh)

Al-Tufayl ibn Ubayy ibn Ka’b reported that his father said: “When two-thirds of the night had passed, the Messenger of Allah (pbuh) got up and said: ‘O people, remember Allah, remember Allah. The first blowing of the Trumpet has come, and will be followed by the second blowing. Death has come, with all that it implies, death has come with all that it implies.’ I said: ‘O Messenger of Allah, I pray a lot for you. How much of my prayers should I devote to you?’ He said, ‘As much as you want.’ I said, ‘A quarter?’ He said, ‘As much as you want, and if you increase it, it will be good for you.’ I said, ‘Half?’ He said, ‘As much as you want, and if you increase it, it will be good for you.’ I said, ‘Two-thirds?’ He said, ‘As much as you want, and if you increase it, it will be good for you.’ I said, ‘I will devote all my prayer to you.’ He said, ‘Then your worries will be taken care of and your sin will be forgiven.’”

Complete trust in Allah

When a person relies upon Allah and puts his trust in Him, he is not controlled by bad illusions. He trusts in Allah and hopes for bounty from Him, which protects him from distress and worry, as well as many psychological and physical diseases. Thus his heart gains indescribable strength, relaxation and joy. The one who is truly free from problems is the one whom Allaah has freed and helped to strive against his own-self (jihaad al-nafs) by seeking beneficial means of strengthening his heart and dispelling anxiety. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): “… And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him…” [al-Talaaq 65:3] – i.e., He will take care of everything that is of concern to him, whether it has to do with his religion or his worldly affairs.

The person who relies on Allah is strong in heart and is not adversely affected by illusions or things that happen, because he knows that this is a sign of weakness and fear that is unfounded. He also knows that Allah has guaranteed to take complete care of the one who puts his trust in Him, so he trusts Allah and has confidence in His promise. Thus his worries and anxiety disappear, hardship is replaced with ease, sadness turns to joy and fear turns to a feeling of security.

Yesterday, today and tomorrow

Hence the Prophet (pbuh) sought refuge with Allah from worry and regret: regret for things that have happened in the past which one cannot go back and change, and worries about what may happen in the future. The slave should think only about the present, focusing his energy on doing his best today, because this is what results in perfect work, and helps him to forget his worries and regrets. Thus the slave will strive for whatever benefits him in his religion or his worldly affairs, and will ask his Lord to grant him the result for which he is aiming. He asks Allah for help, just as Abu Hurayrah reported: “The Messenger of Allah (pbuh) said: ‘The strong believer is better and more beloved to Allah than the weak believer, and both are good. Pay attention to that which could benefit you, seek the help of Allah and do not feel incapacitated. If anything befalls you, do not say, “If only I had done such-and-such, such a thing would have happened.” Say instead, “It is the decree of Allaah, and what He wills, He does,” for saying “if only…” opens the way for Shaytaan.’”

Being wise

The wise person understands that his true life is one of joy and contentment. Life is very short, and he should not let himself get carried away with distress and depression that will make it even shorter. This goes against the true idea of life, so he is reluctant to spend too much of his life in distress and depression. In this regard, there is little difference between the righteous and the rebellious, but the believer can achieve this in the best way, in a way that benefits him both in this world and in the Hereafter. When misfortune strikes, or when he is afraid of something bad happening to him, he should also compare the blessings that he enjoys, both spiritual and worldly, with whatever misfortune has befallen him. When he does this, he will see just how much blessing he has, and the bad things will be put into perspective. Similarly, he can make a comparison between the thing he fears will harm him and the far greater possibility that he will be kept safe from it: the faint possibility that he may be harmed is far outweighed by the greater positive possibilities, and so his anxiety will be relieved. He takes into account the most likely scenario so that he can try to prepare himself in case it does happen, and he takes measures to protect himself against things that have not happened, or to alleviate or reduce the impact of things that have happened.

Some worthy advice for one as weak as me.

muallaf

2008-11-29T12:19:00.004+08:00

contrary to popular belief, this film is not about anyone converting to islam.

it is, however, an excellent portrayal of how a muslim should live life... a life that is filled with love, advocating for good, and forgiveness... and in a wonderful echo of the way muslims of the past did their da'wah, the best probable way of inviting people to see the beauty of islam, is to live it as a good muslim, with mannerisms and paradigms that are congruent with the true teachings of islam. and it also shows in contrast some people who call themselves muslims, don't live a life that is guided, and those who seem to have lost the way, are those whose hearts are good and sincere...

i teared many times in the show, because of how clear the advice of love and forgiveness shone through... and how i am regularly in need of these...

in a poetic scene, both sisters were in bed, preparing for sleep. the younger sister (Y) had just gotten a caning in school in the morning, for not drawing what her teacher wanted. the elder sister (E) asked,

E: Are you ready?

Y: Yes.

E: Ok. Do you forgive all the people who had hurt you and caused you pain today?

Y: Yes.

E&Y: In the name of Allah, Most Merciful and Most Compassionate...

i was extremely moved by this scene. i for one, am someone who can hold grudges. and these grudges can last for ages. because sometimes i allow myself to let my emotions take control, and to blind me to how i am supposed to be as a person. as a muslim. in any case, i shouldn't be holding any grudges towards anyone, as it will only fester in my heart. i should let go of all pain, and all hurt, because as how i mentioned in a previous post, i am not the one judging. let Him be the one who gives me recompense.

sigh.

good show, really worth watching.

belated post

2008-11-29T12:15:00.002+08:00

"love is a process that grows and develops further after marriage"
congratulations to fadiah and is...
may Allah give you both happiness and blessings all throughout your married life and beyond!!

justice

2008-11-26T22:12:00.002+08:00

justice is not mine.
it is the purview of the Most Fair and Wise.
don't think too much about it, because all recompense will come from Him, and He will be Most Generous to those who refrain with patience and humility.

Allah, give me strength.

looking through another's eyes

2008-11-26T21:48:00.001+08:00

parents may think that they are doing the right thing.
but who decides what is right, or what is wrong?
the intention does not justify the means.

for once, try looking through the perspective of the child.
and realise that what you have done is just to hurt the child.
despite your best intentions.

i am extremely disappointed.

extremely.

all the single ladies

2008-11-22T23:48:00.001+08:00

one of the best workouts you will ever get.
i miss dancing!!!

talk about coolness...

2008-11-16T17:22:00.001+08:00

g-speak overview 1828121108 from john underkoffler on Vimeo.

heard

2008-11-14T14:45:00.007+08:00

Ibn ‘Umar said: “The Muslim that mixes with the people and is patient upon their harm is better than the Muslim who does not mix with the people and is not patient upon their harm.”
- Reported by at-Tirmidhi, Ahmad and Ibn Majah

sometimes without realising the signs are shown to you...

friday sermon contained a message for me, bringing me to a reflection of my current state.

i guess i am still just learning to be a better person.

hard as it is.

love/hate

2008-11-13T23:23:00.001+08:00

"what is hate, if not an extreme expression of love?"
t-shirts are mirror images of each other.

co-admission

2008-11-13T23:10:00.005+08:00

every argument arises from an interaction consisting of at least two people. you cannot be actively arguing with yourself, technically speaking. hence, there is always the flip side of the picture that one party fails to see - the side which if comprehended, will lead to mutual understanding instead.

the picture says it well enough. what cannot be seen cannot be judged, until it is revealed.there will always be hidden circumstances, unsaid feelings, unknown contexts - which is why people argue.

no one can be totally absolved of blame if they are a part of an argument.

and that is only fair.

so perhaps all i wanted was a co-admission of guilt.

that there was some wrong done too on your part.

apologising but not knowing what you are apologising for... how do you think that sounds?

stillicide

2008-11-13T10:23:00.006+08:00

Give me release
witness me
I am outside
give me peace

In this white wave
I am sinking
in this silence
in this white wave
in this silence
I believe

- Sarah McLachlan, Silence -

setting things straight, only to break

2008-11-11T12:05:00.002+08:00

all i wanted was an acknowledgement of fault.

but the tables were turned, and i became at fault.

as is always the case.

blamed for letting pettiness get the better of me, and for going overboard with it.

things were clarified but to no good end.

i don't even know if this is what i want.

wallowing in

2008-11-10T09:54:00.002+08:00

self-pity is just pathetic sometimes. and i am guilty of it too. when in order to justify my actions, i make myself the "victim" and push the blame to others, for things that do not happen to me, or for expectations that remain unfulfilled. sometimes you just cannot help it, right?

but at other times you ARE the "victim" of the actions of others. yet others just fail to see.

things sometimes happen for a reason, or happen based on the past.

now while you complain of what happened, did it cross your mind how you treated others a year ago when we did come around? and in your state then, could you have gone anywhere, since some days later, you were still disabled? its always been a case of remembering only when you are feeling crappy, and you blame the world for "leaving" you to feel like that.

do you expect then to be treated fairly, when you have not been fair in your own treatment towards others?

we are all sometimes blinded by our own self-pity, but we don't do enough self-reproachment to get out of it.

grow up, Nizar.

recap: eloquence.

2008-11-06T20:17:00.004+08:00

i cannot believe how expressive i was in the past. but as i read this entry again, i was swept up in a wave of emotions long forgotten. i just wanted to remember...

December 2004 - "to you, with love"
the past few weeks have been truly great, because i got to spend time with you. time which otherwise would have been spent either studying for some test, or planning for some event. no, i am not saying that you have taken me away from what i should be doing, but that you were a much needed respite from my schedule. i needed that time, to lose myself in myself, to reconnect with what i may have lost. and i needed that time, to see that it is all fine the way things are, or whether i needed to do anything about anything. i am happy to see that things are going well, and very very relieved indeed.

i worry sometimes about neglecting and forgetting the things that matter. i fear losing these things that matter. but i sometimes find myself at a loss, being inadequately resourced in time, effort and empathy. sometimes i wish there were more of me, so that all that is expected of me, can be fulfilled.

but you, in kindness, accept me for all my flaws and unbecomings. in fact, you strive to see that i am not burdened and that i never feel inadequate. you allow me to lord you over, you simply refuse to disagree. like the willow that bends in the storm, but never falling over, you silently stand your ground in the face of my tempestuous nature. you should know, that in the end, the silent dripping of the rain on the mountain, wears it down. and that the water prevails.

that, is you.

as how rain earns the respect of the mountains, you have earned my love, my trust and my faith. and a privilege that none other has ever.

a privilege only fit for one.

and while you are in complete knowledge of this privilege, you never abuse it, though many a time you could have, simply. and that only increases the power of that privilege.

i am clear enough to the forces that move you and me. and i am eternally grateful to have been given you to love and cherish. i understand your desire to be and yet to refrain, i understand your needs and your fears, and i appreciate the mercy with which you handle your affairs with me, ensuring that i do not get hurt.

i have learnt many things, thanks to you.

my love, i do not wish to impose anything more upon you. and i wish to repay the kindness that you have shown. what is unsaid, is spoken very evidently to me, as you know. and i know. let us not deny what moves us. but let us know, that i am always there. in my happiness, in my grief, in my anxiety, in my anger, in my apathy - i always will be there whether you ask it of me or not.

sing your own song, dearheart, and i will sing the harmony.
dance your own moves, dearheart, and i will be the beat.

and when you wish solitude, love, it will be given, no questions asked.

i believe in the sanctity and strength of what we have. and i will never tire saying this:

i love you true.

words are not enough

2008-11-05T02:53:00.004+08:00

just 8 months ago, i wrote about the passing of my grandmother.

now i write about the passing of my grandfather, beloved Ahmed Bin Yusof.

i mourn losing him with the rest of my family, and am especially sad for my mother and her siblings who lost both parents in the relatively short period of 8 months.

a pain i do not want to have to go through.

but yet, i celebrate that he left peacefully and painlessly, and his suffering ceased.

his last acknowledgement of me was a simple nod, about a week ago. that was before he lost his awareness of his surroundings, and entered the throes of his passing.
and now this simple man, who did not want anything much out of life, but gave everything for his children and grandchildren is gone.

now things really will change.

May Allah bless your dear soul, and place you and Nani among those who are favoured, and enter you into Paradise, where we shall all meet again as one, insya Allah.

Al-Fatihah.

haha... more wedding updates... keep 'em coming!

2008-11-04T15:11:00.005+08:00

another two friends recently got hitched. presenting the newlyweds!

zakiah and syakir

marlina and alfian

May Allah bless their coming together in holy matrimony, and guide them towards a life full of love and faith!

*on a side note, all these weddings are quite the pressure-cooker... haha.

if you want to act dumb...

2008-11-01T22:51:00.002+08:00

...then so be it.

but i will not stand for disrespect. an apology is still due, whether you see it or not.

and i will not be the one that suffers pain for the hurt someone caused me, and just keep silent about it and pretend that it did not happen... like what you are doing now.

keep away until you decide to get your manners back.

of the way people act

2008-11-01T16:31:00.003+08:00

a new song by beyonce. although she sings it from the perspective of a woman, i guess both sides experience the same things... so my lyrics reflect that :)

"You don’t understand
Yeah you don’t understand
How it feels to love someone each day
You wish you were a better man

You don’t listen to us
You don’t care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you’ve taken them for granted
And everything you have got destroyed

But you’re just a boy..."

reminiscence

2008-11-01T16:22:00.002+08:00

long ago, someone dedicated this song to me. i recently heard it, and it brought back a wave of memories... which will only remain memories.

i guess sometimes loving may not be quite enough...

glimpsing the pains

2008-10-27T23:46:00.005+08:00

as i looked upon my grandfather yesterday, as he took one laborious breath after the next, i was suddenly aware of the recitation in the background.

Say: Do you argue with us about God?
He is our Sustainer as well as your Sustainer -
and unto us shall be accounted our deeds, and unto you, your deeds;
and it is unto Him alone that we devote ourselves.
(Al-Baqarah:139)

and already in this world, we begin to answer for ourselves.

Oh Most Merciful and Forgiving, show mercy and forgive us.

love you all.

2008-10-27T23:40:00.000+08:00

people grow up. people move on.

but i am glad that some make the effort still.

congrats ali and lala!

2008-10-27T23:33:00.002+08:00

hur hur... second wedding event in a row.

may Allah bless you guys with a happy and virtuous matrimony, seeded in faith and love!

congratulations Zan and Ada!

2008-10-18T22:42:00.002+08:00

as can quite obviously be seen, my dear friend Hurizan got hitched with his belle Ada this weekend, and it was a whirlwind of events from Friday afternoon to Saturday evening!

i am honoured to have been allowed to be a part of the celebrations...

my camera skills suck. so i shan't put more pictures than these three here.

this picture was taken on the first day after the solemnization. the story was that we couldn't do a shoot at seletar reservoir due to construction works, so we went into seletar west camp. the house we immediately stopped beside was suddenly offered to us as a shooting location by the owner, and we of course took the opportunity to use such rustic locality, and got some really nice shots. the image almost looks photoshopped, but its 100% real. the couple were dressed in traditional white malay costume.

the sanding took part on the second day, with a bold choice of colours for the groom, but indeed it looks fantabulous on him. pink and green do go together very well. the challenge was dressing Zan up in the morning, and forming the all-important crossage on the kain samping. i am super proud to say, i did that flower, and i made it look good. haha. with help from people la, you know who you are. the mak andam did not even need to touch it up. haha.

the final change was for dinner. the couple took on a regal maroon javanese inspired garb, which really drew attention to them. the bling on them is enough to make 50 Cents look even cheaper - so says the mak andam. haha. and what a fitting way to end a most memorable event - with pomp and splendour.

Congrats again to the newly-weds!

abandonment

2008-10-15T12:38:00.008+08:00

pride is when one thinks so highly of oneself, that one creates these expectations towards others. but that pride is ugly, and one feels that ugliness, when one realises that others don't think quite so highly of oneself.

so abandon that pride.
and all expectations will go with it.

the less one thinks "i don't deserve this kind of treatment", the more one becomes deserving in the eyes of the One.

abandoning that pride allows one to not feel for one's ego.
and when the ego is diminished, the easier it is for one to disappear in His Glory.

then disappear.

just venting

2008-10-15T12:29:00.003+08:00

when you call, sekurang-kurangnya nizar layan baik-baik. kalau nizar tahu nizar tak mampu, nizar tak akan jawab. why did you bother answering if you felt i was a bother?

ragam orang. nak sedih, nak marah pun tak guna, sebab yang merasa cuma diri sendiri.
ye lah, orang sibuk. nizar mengganggu. salah diri sendiri.

of humility and sincerity

2008-10-12T23:48:00.002+08:00

my grandfather is not well. he's been in the hospital for the past 2 weeks. and as is common with the elderly once they spend a longer time than is expected at the hospital, confusion and disorientation can set in. and the impact of such a state can be very painful to see, especially for family members.

it is humbling to see how when that privilege of cognizance is taken away, one is little more than a shadow of one's previous self. for my grandpa, it upset me tremendously to see him in that state. some of the things he said to me were enough to rend me apart, and i am still affected by it. while i understood that he was in a disabled state of mind, i still could not dissociate myself from feeling that when he said what he did, he meant it. his anger and frustration were more than evident.

and i glimpsed the pain that caregivers go through - my mother, aunties and uncles - and families of my patients, and can only begin to truly comprehend the sincerity that goes into caring for someone. "treat in fairness, but do not expect to be treated so" - how strongly these words rang in my head. as my grandfather railed at me for not letting him come off the bed, all i could do was to look at him, and say no. and despite the things that happened, i could not just go off and leave him to his affairs.

i remember the times past when my grandfather was better.
when he was the doting father figure for all his grandchildren who stayed with him.
i want my memory of him to remain as that.

i pray you recover soon, that we will be able to talk about your life as we did before.

nerina pallot - idaho

2008-10-12T16:23:00.001+08:00

Cause I can’t be anyone but me, anyone but me

And I can’t keep dreaming that I’m free, dreaming that I’m free

I don’t want to fall asleep and watch my life from fifty feet

My hands are on the wheel so I’m driving to Idaho

Cause I hear it’s mighty pretty...

passion

2008-10-12T15:21:00.001+08:00

" The moth forgets about itself as it yearns for the light,
knowing no fear and feeling no heat from the bright light of the lamp.
It strives toward the light,
singing its wings,
but continues to strive with all its being."

- Silence of the Sufi

qaisy dan laila

2008-10-09T00:36:00.002+08:00

am waiting to see this show on tv. hope i dun miss it.
in any case, i love the song. its called "warkah buat laila" or "letter for laila".

"Doakanlah Laila, doakan untuk ku dan yang senasib dengan ku
Agar kebenaran kembali dijulang
Sabar redha bertawakkal pada hikmah kalimah
Lailahaillallah Muhammadar Rasulullah"

serving the servants... for the love of the Lover

2008-10-08T23:42:00.004+08:00

the hoopoe left me a very moving comment two posts ago, and i am just bringing it up again here because sheer coincidence or not, i bought a book immediately the day after that spoke of the exact same thing. and i felt that it was something that was inevitably fated for me to hear and learn. so i put it here for everyone else as well.

the hoopoe:
"...establish your "rope with mankind" - cos being a muslim is not just about worship really. get out of that mindset that prevents and confused so many muslim from being true to our existence (and i am not even talking about the self), and perhaps, even to God. don't get trapped in the illusion that you are good to God via your worship - He does not need that. you need to be good to His creations to truly know Him and to reach Him..."

from the book, "The Silence of the Sufis":
"If a Muslim desires to render service unto another, honour him! - say the shaikhs. For service to another is the reason for God's acceptance of hearts and the condition for crossing over to zikr and muraqabah... The result of rendering service is love and the attachment of hearts, because service is by its very nature based upon love for those who are more deserving of it... in accordance with the scale of the love you demonstrate to others, the Most High's love will come to you in return."

Amin. Amin. Amin.

May Allah continually guide those who seek His Love.
and thank you again, hoopoe.

rindu

2008-10-06T23:46:00.000+08:00

nizar rindu.

in memoriam of the sweet lady

2008-10-06T17:56:00.003+08:00

got this message a few days ago.

"Hi Nizar, just want to thank you for all your help to rehabilitate my mother and lending her a listening ear. She got a stroke and passed away 10 days ago. You gave her much joy in being able to stand, and listening to her grievances, she enjoyed your visits very much. God has been gracious, she slipped into unconsciousness very fast, but we all miss her a lot. Thank you very much in lifting up her spirits."

one sometimes fails to realise the value of one's work, especially when caught up in the humdrums of life.

but i know why i do what i do.

raya yang hilang

2008-10-06T17:48:00.003+08:00

"Bergema suara di pagi fajar

Mendayu irama takbir berlagu penuh syahdu

Oh sayang Syawal menjelma, tiada seindah yang sudah

Hanya keluhan pilu bermain di kalbu..."

suffice to say that perhaps things have changed. and that it saddens me greatly.

Eid Greetings to all

2008-10-01T00:21:00.004+08:00

May our sins be expiated, like birds freed from their restraints,
And our rewards, proliferated, bountiful without constraints,

As the day is celebrated, free from malice and taint,

Our egos exonerated, to Him we reacquaint.

Minal aidin wal faizin wal maqbulin.

Forgive me my transgression against you, and have a blessed Eid with loved ones.

emo me part 2

2008-09-24T23:43:00.001+08:00

emo me

2008-09-24T23:31:00.001+08:00

warning.
not quite ramadhan-ish.

reflections of ramadhan

2008-09-24T00:36:00.004+08:00

thanks to a friend for posting this...

ramadhan is observed all over the world in various manners... and its just beautiful how everyone else does it... these pictures tell you why...

Symbolizing the faith of Islam, the crescent moon is seen at sunset on top of the Faisal Mosque in Islamabad, Pakistan, Tuesday, Sept. 16, 2008. (AP Photo/Wally Santana)

An officer of Brunei's Islamic authority looks through a telescope as he performs "rukyah", the sighting of the new moon for Ramadan, over the skies of Bukit Agok outside Bandar Seri Begawan August 31, 2008. Muslims scan the sky at dusk at the end of their lunar calendar's eighth month in search of the new moon to proclaim the beginning of Ramadan. (REUTERS/Ahim Rani)

The Al-Zaim family of Duxbury, Massachusetts sits, gathered together for their dinner after 7pm on September 14th, 2008, to break their Ramadan Fast. (Justine Hunt/Globe Staff Photo)

Kashmiri Muslims offer prayers inside the Jamia Masjid, or Grand Mosque, on the first Friday of Ramadan in Srinagar, India, Friday, Sept. 5, 2008. (AP Photo/Dar Yasin)

A child prepares food for Iftar (evening meal) before the breaking of fast on the first day of Ramadan at Memon Mosque in Karachi, Pakistan on September 2, 2008.

Visually impaired Palestinian students read verses of the Koran, Islam's holiest book, written in Braille, during the holy fasting month of Ramadan at Al-Qabas Islamic school in the West Bank city of Ramallah, Sunday, Sept. 7, 2008.

A boy sleeps in a mosque while waiting to break his fast on the first day of Ramadan in Makassar, Indonesia on September 1, 2008.

more pictures at http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2008/09/observing_ramadan.html

its really sad how soon it is going to be over...

Allah accept our deeds, forgive our sins, and make us better people...
And let us meet the next Ramadhan, by your Grace.
Amin.

jason mraz - life is wonderful

2008-09-13T23:56:00.001+08:00

"And it takes no time to fall in love
But it takes you years to know what love is
And it takes some fears to make you trust
It takes some tears to make it rust
It takes the dust to have it polished..."

and another

2008-09-13T23:47:00.000+08:00

puke-a-thon. *WEEEEEEEEEEERRRRGHHHHH*

family guy farting contest

2008-09-13T23:43:00.001+08:00

i couldn't help but laugh. my youngest bro showed this to me.

the journey

2008-08-31T23:05:00.002+08:00

the blessed month of Ramadhan is finally here.

and so begins the journey of self-reflection.

May Allah grant us all the piety and strength to increase our devotions, and may He too accept the endeavours that we strive towards.

"It is not the end that matters, but the journey towards it."

Ramadhan Mubarak everyone!

wall-e

2008-08-31T00:02:00.003+08:00

watch it.

you cannot believe how adorable robots can be.

especially when they are in love.

and i cried at some parts. laughed at most parts.

i love the psycho robot ward. brings new meaning to "short-circuited".

one of the many scenes that make the movie absolutely worth it.

the ties that bind

2008-08-30T23:43:00.002+08:00

had an interesting discussion a few weeks back with two friends. and one of them raised up a very pertinent point about me. a very apt observation, if i may say.

well, she said, "If you weren't so religiously inclined, I would think that you would have gone wild."

i hate to say it, but she's right.

she also said that she thinks I am holding on to a very thin rope - so tenuous that it could go anytime. and frankly, that scares me, and I am afraid of the truth of it.

it got me thinking about the whole concept of the ties between humankind (habluminannaas) and the ties between Man and God (habluminallah). Man is connected to God by that relationship of faith and subservience, of a servant to his Master. However, how Man chooses to sustain and maintain that relationship is entirely up to him. He can choose to reinforce that rope, through God-awareness and piety, or he can wear down that rope through disobedience and mischief-making.

Yet, Man is not entirely alone in this. His relationship with others serve to further bolster or deteriorate that relationship to God. Imagine Man hanging in limbo between God and other men. All other men would also have relationships with God. If one man were to have a fraying rope, but he is with others whose ropes are strong and taut, the chances of that one man falling to his own doom is lessened, because the net force is upwards. But conversely, if that one man were to have a frayed rope, and he associates with others whose ropes are similarly frayed, then their association will just increase their combined burden, and the net force will snap their individual ropes, who cannot bear the load of their accumulated actions.

which is why the Prophet made it especially clear in the matter of choosing companions, that one should never forsake faith for any other matters that may attract the friendship.

something to think about.

no air - jordan sparks ft. chris brown

2008-08-18T00:44:00.001+08:00

I walked, I ran, I jumped, I flew
Right off the ground to float to you
There's no gravity to hold me down for real
But somehow I'm still alive inside
You took my breath, but I survived
I don't know how, but I don't even care

So how do you expect me
to live alone with just me
'Cause my world revolves around you
It's so hard for me to breathe

nice song. nice nice song.

recap: then vs now.

2008-08-17T23:50:00.004+08:00

the then

(L-R) back - munir, fahmy, hatta, nizar, taufiq, azfar, rennie iskandar, zul, aidil

(L-R) front - zaki, rizal, firdaus

the now
(L-R) fahmy, yusoff, zaki, aidil, munir, zul, taufiq, azfar, rizal, hatta, nazir, nizar
missing: firdaus, rennie iskandar

quite glad to know that no love lost. haha. and much love found.

if all goes well, we will be having 3-4 weddings from these people in the next 2 years. am waiting for it!

Azfar's engagement

2008-08-17T23:40:00.002+08:00

made our way to azfar's place for his engagement ceremony. since it was the guy's side, it was low key, but made the perfect setting for a long called for gathering of the boys.

here is the fiance with his grandfather.

the cake that he received from her. so sweet right?

the tanda he received from her. loads and loads of food... delicious food.
azfar and his ayat-ayat cinta. a nice 2 prose from the girl's side.
the boys! not so young 'uns.

we enjoyed ourselves loads, with a lot of reminiscence going on that cannot be mentioned here due to the particularly adult nature. haha.

in any case, we wish the newly engaged couple all the best, and for a smooth sailing journey towards marital bliss!

evil look

2008-08-17T23:36:00.004+08:00

as how faiezah would say, its the time of our lives as babies. even the evil look is appreciated. don't you love babies??? *coos*

32,33,34

2008-08-17T23:34:00.001+08:00

had a meet up with tau and ida, and the conversation came about to our marriage plans.

tau made a comment which somehow seemed so true.
for the men, 32 years is the limit to get married. because 33 is so ganjil, and 34 is too old.

when i thought about it, it felt weirdly true.

what you think?

the dark knight

2008-08-17T23:08:00.000+08:00

saw this with abu and uan post-national day.

indeed the actors make the show.

i was deeply moved by this installation of the evergreen superhero... for reasons i think many would agree with, this is by far the bestest of all the batman movies ever made. much accolade has been lauded for the brilliant delivery of the Joker by the late Heath Ledger, and one can almost feel that it was as if he was playing out the deliriums in everyone's heads... if ever we went out of control ourselves. his untimely demise only calls for the much heralded appreciation of his talent, now lost from us forever.

it was because of him primarily that the movie took a darker turn, not quite for the emotionally immature audience. his interplay with the other characters - batman, gordon and harvey - is what truly remains the stellar quality of the movie. the joker represents the uninhibited soul who does all of his whims and fancies, but does not require a reason to do so. his compelling performance convinces the audience that he is not the joker of the past, who tended to be portrayed as "fun" in the more literal sense; this joker by heath had a macabre quality - fun which was lethal, and fun which was serious, hence adding to the irony of the much quipped phrase, "Why so serious?"

and when faced with this notion of fun, the other characters are forced into corners which they find no way out of, except through last measures, or amoral avenues - righteousness and morality are not notions close to the joker - and to this end the joker pushes all the other characters, to come to terms with the reality that they do not wish to face, to make the choices that they do not want to make.

batman is eventually left with having to end up the bad guy, as a sacrifice he has to make to protect himself and others. harvey dent loses his life because he gave in to the darkness of his heart. commissioner gordon has to live with the guilt that his actions contributed a great deal to the above happening. the joker lives.

the dark knight is really really a poetic movie, doing justice to the entire franchise. in fact it can even be a standalone, and still stand higher that all the rest that have come before. it will definitely be very tough to make another production that will beat this.

its so good, that i remember a kid saying in the lift as we were going up, "it's his 7th time watching!"

yup. its THAT good.

for ustaz

2008-08-15T00:35:00.001+08:00

At the windows, show everyone my heart which you set alight;

Enclose within me the light you encountered on the street.

congratulations!

2008-08-11T23:10:00.004+08:00

attended the surprise engagement ceremony of two dearly beloved friends, hafiz and shahisdah. in any case, its always brings about such a welling of emotions inside me, when two people i love come together. although this is an engagement and not the wedding yet, i pray that all goes well to the point where they ascend the dais together and ever after, and may Allah bless them both always.

hafiz, to the extreme left. see how cute he looks. of course shasha terpikat.

hafiz's side of the tanda. 5 butterflies and a ring make up the 10%. hehe.
shasha's side of the tanda. hafiz won't be wearing a maxtor on his finger though!
shasha dreaming of the things to come.
"oh the evil i can do now... *sinister laugh*"

believe me, she really said that.

and she also said that hafiz cannot escape. cos she has the one ring to rule him all.

the four. abu and uan were of course not paying attention to which cameras were snapping. most likely checking someone out at the side.

anyways, congratulations again dearies. *muacks*

quatrain to the teachers

2008-08-10T19:58:00.002+08:00

I am but a seeker,

on the path towards the Light.

Each step I take is lit by a mirror, reflecting the Source.

If I do not love these blessings with which I am able to see,

wouldn't then I be ungrateful towards the Lover,

Who sent them to guide me?

HAPPY NATIONAL DAY SINGAPORE!

2008-08-09T23:06:00.000+08:00

the traditional fly past of the national flag

-courtesy of quek chee leong william, taken from msn

farewell meal with Ustaz Saif-ur-Rahman

2008-08-06T19:16:00.001+08:00

had a meal with Ustaz Saif-ur-Rahman yesterday night at Garuda Padang Cuisine, in an effort to meet up with him before he finally departs for the US. in his own words, it was to prevent a certain someone from feeling left out, and "nanti merajuk pulak"... in any case, it was indeed our benefit and honour to be able to bring him out for a meal, and for him to grace the event with his presence, despite the ultimately packed schedule that he is running in this last local week that he has. so first and foremost, my deepest gratitude to you for taking time out for us.

it was meant to be a relaxed dinner, and it was. but as it is with scholars, we, the non-scholars tend to do consultations anyways. but it was a good 2.5 hours worth of talking. and just made me realise how much i have missed out, and will perhaps be missing out for the next few years, till he comes back. and that is if he decides to teach, if and when he does come back.

the content of the whole conversation we had, among the 3-4 of us cannot be replicated in its entirety here. so i will just highlight the golden moments of the conversation, and some take-away points that the blessed fellow decided to share with us. some of these points are of course expressed in my own understanding (so even if you did not say it, just take it as a student giving his feedback, and rephrasing, ok?).

on a youthful appearance: wudhu', solat, and exercise. all of these are crucial in ensuring the balance of life of a muslim. in solat, you gain discipline of time management, and to gain the freshness of mind, you do your wudhu'. Especially so for the tahajjud and dawn prayers, which are crucial for the attainment of spiritual luminescence, which can be seen from the countenance of those who are committed to them. Exercise produces endorphins, which makes you feel happy and keep your state of mind and emotions stable. With stability, you are less likely to feel depressed and stressed, which helps prevent the aging process. Exercise also energises you, so you feel strong and energetic, and young. Feel young, look young.

on life: one needs to have a long-term plan, be it 10, 20 or even 30 years. If one has a long-term plan, the quibbles of life that one experiences in the short term, is put into perspective, and one moves on much faster, and with less baggage.

on friends: the best friends are those founded on faith. sincerity in looking for friends who are firmly grounded in faith, will ensure that all else that comes with those friendships are blessed. you will feel at peace with them, and they will feel at peace with you.

on subtlety: one does not need to be exuberant in the expression of one's character or self. there are times and places when one can drop off masks and be at ease, but there are also times when one needs to be firm and assert oneself, in order to achieve a certain impact. to hide aspects of oneself, is not a sign of weakness, but rather is a sign that one is able to control the situation one finds oneself in.

on da'wah: a muslim is not a da'i only when he puts on his religious attire. a muslim is a da'i all the times. and one does not need to appear to be pious to be pious. in fact one's piety is measured by the extent that one strives in his community, and that standard is different for each individual. just be the best that you can, and let that be your da'wah. one can have fun, and still be a good muslim. conversely, one can be an asatizah, but still be unable to fulfill one's obligations. hence one should know what one's responsibilities are, and fulfill them as how they are meant to be.

on discipline: it has to be self-motivated to achieve maximal impact.

on perspective: progressive vs contemporary. progressive is looking forward. contemporary is already passe the minute we finish talking about it. hence be progressive, because status quo is never enough.

on being: we are people with many facets. each of these facets need to be understood. how we look to other people can be based on any of the facets. however, what is more important is how each of the facets reflect who we are, and whether we can be at peace with what each of these facets show. cleanse the inside, and the outside will follow.

on etiquette of conversation: talk what should be talked about, and refrain from asking what should not be asked. things that benefit should be shared. things that do not benefit should be left unshared.

many many more things we talked about, and many more things i internalised.
its just amazing how one simple encounter can bring about so many different points of learning.

frankly in my 26 years of life, i have only been with Ustaz for barely 60 hours. but i believe that it is not just me, but other students as well, who have been touched by his wisdom and charisma.
again, may Allah expedite your journey to higher learning, and higher realisations, and may He allow the ummah to benefit from you, through your efforts.

Yarhamukallah, wa yahfazukallah ya shaykhi.

BON VOYAGE!

celebrating almir's birthday

2008-07-27T07:01:00.005+08:00

27th july was the day we all went to flyer for the first time.

but... it wasn't to ride the contraption, but to celebrate a dear friend's birthday... with a fish spa!

first up, we went to Kenko Fish Spa, where we had our feet attacked by the gara ruffa fish, better known as the Doctor Fish. Definitely an experience that we will not forget, and one which we will be coming back for, albeit not at the same location...

with our feet newly cleaned, and feeling oh-so-refreshed, we made our way to the cathay to go to strip-ed co, not for a boyzilian of course, but for a manicure and pedicure, just to pamper the birthday boy. but because of my absent-mindedness, we couldn't get in because we had no appointment - HOW DISAPPOINTING. but i still love their adverts.

we called ALL the centres in singapore, and still, nada. so with heavy, unbuffed and unpedicured feets, we just went to eat. and it so happened that we went to fish and co's. it was all unplanned of course, but we hadn't gotten a cake for our birthday boy. so while he went to catch some fresh air, i managed to sneak in a cake order... and this was the surprise celebration at fish n co, courtesy of the good people.

then after the food, we decided to take dessert at max brenner's, where our dear birthday boy gave a wonderful demonstration of the different looks he has.

Mat-Emo "The Sensitive Guy"

Mat-Rugged "The Tough Man"
Mat-Rocker "The Punk"
Mat-Cool "Slick Casanova"
Mat-Nerd "The Nerd"
Cikgu Mentel "The Perverted Teacher"

well, suffice to say we enjoyed ourselves. Happy birthday Shaf!

healthy-errrr lifestyle

2008-07-25T23:38:00.001+08:00

this is so in the making for the past few weeks.

in an attempt to try and begin a healthier life, me and almir have been trying our best to insert active activities into our non-active lives.

so we have been trying to go around in the weekends to have a more active life.

see how i am just using the word active over and over again.

although it hasnt been dutifully followed, the program has brought us to some nice places in singapore. as i download the photos from my camera, it is only now that i remember to talk about it.

henderson waves is part of the southern ridges of singapore, part of a nature conservation and community engagement plan with nature. it is a very very nice place, as you can see from the pictures to come.

it was a long walk to the top, and a bit more to the waves themselves. but i think its worth it. the night view is supposedly more spectacular.

the wave formations on the bridge that give the structure its name.

quite a marvelous sight.

then as we continued our walk, almir decided that we should take the cable car from mt faber to sentosa and back to harbourfront. as it was all in the fun of it, we did. and here is the conversation that transpired between us as we were hanging 50m above the sea...

*urm...apparently the conversation is not for everyone's ears... so here's the aftermath of the ride instead*

glad to know that the whole trip was not wasted spiritually... HAHA.

supplication

2008-07-24T23:32:00.001+08:00

from ustaz's zhulkeflee's blog, An-Naseehah

reservist call up

2008-07-21T22:14:00.002+08:00

served my first real reservist in june.
and boy was i out of touch with what the army is.
after all i spent the good part of it in another world unknown to the army then.
i remembered ranting away because i was not very keen about having to go back, or even having to be associated with the army once again.

but hey, its every proud son of singapore's duty to serve, ain't it?
so i trudged and made my way back.

and when i came back, i was like... what?

it was a pleasant surprise.
the unit is great, the people were great.

and i am glad to know that i still got what it takes to shoot the butt off the range, all puns intended.

in fact i may even be looking forward to the next call up, ;)

hehe...

2008-07-21T22:12:00.002+08:00

obviously i have been so caught up with my birthday that i have totally missed out blogging.
because it was my birthday i wanted to talk about.

and although my birthday is still technically being celebrated(some people still getting me gifts), i guess i should just move on already.

after all, i was the one who so gallantly said i did not want anything for my birthday.

haha.

and still caught up with it, after the first four sentences.

get a grip.

Stream of Life

2008-06-30T00:37:00.000+08:00

Stream of Life

The same stream of life that runs through my veins night and day

runs through the world and dances in rhythmic measures.

It is the same life that shoots in joy through the dust of the earth

in numberless blades of grass

and breaks into tumultuous waves of leaves and flowers.

It is the same life that is rocked in the ocean-cradle of birth

and of death, in ebb and in flow.

I feel my limbs are made glorious by the touch of this world of life.

And my pride is from the life-throb of ages dancing in my blood this moment.

- from the Gintanjali of Rabindranath Tagore

where the hell is matt?

2008-06-30T00:29:00.001+08:00

its just such a beautiful video to make.
one people, one world.

we all dance.

birthday week updates

2008-06-19T23:34:00.007+08:00

so my sister and brother-in-law were the first ones to gift me. Hugo Boss's newest fragrance for men: Hugo Pure.

then nura, yanni and azmi with these books: Moomin, a comic...which up till now i dunno whether it is about a cow or a hippo. and persepolis - critically acclaimed art film about sanctions and gender discrimination in iran.

then taufiq and azfar bought me a camera. the pentax optio m40. been wanting to get me a lens for the longest time.

and then almir bought me a levi's watch. black with red screen. just the way i like it.

abu and rezuan got me hush puppies white shoes. hehe. always wanted to look cool in white shoes, but never got the guts to go buy it. well, now some people bought it for me... so no excuse not to look cool.

yups. so that's for now. birthday week ends on sunday. so let's see what else we can get, HAHAHAHA.

pre-birthday celebrations

2008-06-15T00:11:00.002+08:00

photos will hopefully come soon.

yanni and nura planned a lunch and karaoke session. and i had a ball of a time there with the girls and azmi and taufiq. we were also celebrating azmi's advance on 17 june. karaoked our butts off. i hope the video is not uploaded. haha.

then met afiq and chris for max brenner's. i finally got my max brenner's. and it was good good good good good good good...

hahaha...

then watched a short concert at the esplanande, and then took a leisurely ride home.

what's happening tomorrow?
i don't know!

finally the updates 3

2008-06-15T00:07:00.003+08:00

ok i do not have the pics yet. but in the period of may to early june, we observed and celebrated the matrimony of 4 happy newlyweds.

Ashraf and Yati on 25 May 2008.
Siddiq and Fazlinah on 31 May 2008.
Syahid and Renee on 1 June 2008.
Fareez and Murshidah on 8 June 2008.

I will update with pictures accordingly.

May Allah bless the couples and their unions as husband and wife, and may Allah give them a happy and long-lasting marriage and home, guided with faith and love always. Amin.

finally the updates 2

2008-06-14T23:58:00.002+08:00

something happened to a close friend, and it was a big thing.
and while initially i was out of the loop, i am thankful that this friend managed to recollect himself in time to prevent what could have possibly been a very very big mistake.

however, the whole incident did leave me angered and frustrated for a while, and at times it did seem that the friendship would end there. because i just could not take being treated with such nonchalance, and being taken for granted.

and that frustration was acted out, and other people also got the brunt of it.
and another close friend received a cold shoulder from me for it.

for my own lack of control and temperance, i caused others to suffer.

but luckily all that has passed, and we have somehow all made up.
i just want to bury it and let it pass.

not a very beautiful thing to remember, but important nonetheless.

finally the updates 1

2008-06-14T23:51:00.002+08:00

ended the hoopoe's class close to the end of may.

and it dawned upon me how much i will miss having some form of spiritual engagement on tuesday nights. and that last day, i was actually tearing when i walked away from the place. i was wanting more. although the hoopoe had an upcoming class on fridays at al-falah, i unfortunately could not make it for that class.

i guess i will miss the intimacy of the class that the hoopoe had.
and the way he presented his lessons, which always seem to touch deeper.

and i will miss him as a teacher who is hip and up-to-date with the times, contemporary and moderate.

and of course that is that something more. few teachers are around whom you know you can speak to on different levels, and engage them on different levels. i regret not having gotten to know him better before this, and now that he is leaving for the US, i regret possibly not being able to get to know him better, until after he comes back.

but our paths takes us to all places, and we learn from everyone.
i just hope that our paths will cross again, and i will be able to receive guidance and light from him once again.

may Allah bless his endeavours and efforts in guiding us to the Path, and for being who he is.

just wondering

2008-06-14T12:08:00.001+08:00

who will present me the most precious gift?

quiet weeks

2008-06-05T23:18:00.003+08:00

but not so quiet heart.

actually a lot has happened in the past few weeks.

where do i start?

haha.

wherever it is convenient then.

will update on:
ending of the hoopoe's classes
fights and makeups
weddings

the young ones

2008-05-20T09:46:00.003+08:00

its been a good 14 years since my secondary school days.
but as they say, the bestest friends are made in those days.

these are the friends we begin to build strong relationships with, the ones with whom we go through the most testing of our pubescent years, and the ones with whom we fall in love with just by virtue of them being around the longest.

and how much we have changed since then.

and yet the friendship remains.

azfar is getting engaged soon, alhamdulillah.
zul is getting married not so long after.
fahmy and firdaus are getting hitched too, though news have not reached us.

haha... how we've grown.

*i've got tears in my eyes*

fairness

2008-05-16T00:42:00.002+08:00

so everyone else gets to complain. but me.
sigh, the fairness of it.

did something today

2008-05-15T23:28:00.002+08:00

and i was reminded of what the hoopoe excerpted, about hatching out the helpless inside.
to be utterly and totally at His Mercy, and to feel utterly and totally without power.

all things happen for a reason. even what happened yesterday.
and i have to accept it and thank Him that it happened, because i was moved to do what i did.

and then He reminded me.

"Verily, my prayers, my worship, my life and my death are for God, Master of the Worlds. There is none equal to Him, and this I have been commanded, and I am of the believers."

accept from me, Allah, and forgive me.

sleep it all away

2008-05-15T10:03:00.001+08:00

bawled my eyes out.
but it was comforting.

feel much better... but just for good measure, will still abstain.

matter of fact

2008-05-14T23:58:00.002+08:00

that even the best of people are flawed.
that even the best of friends can let you down.
that even the hardiest of souls can be worn out.

that everyone has the capacity to cause hurt.
that everyone has the capacity to feel hurt.
that everyone does either, at one time or the other.

that others are empathetic.
that others are apathetic.
that others are emotionally sensitive, or emotionally inept.

MALAS. MALAS. MALAS.

at this stage i want to cuss and swear, and cry my heart out.

david cook final 3 performance

2008-05-14T23:42:00.000+08:00

american idol. he deserves it.

mess within

2008-05-14T23:31:00.001+08:00

i think i need to be away for a while.
i feel more messed up than i have ever been for a long long time.